One of the hardest parts of learning to care for a newborn is trying to figure out why they're fussing.

Are they hungry? Tired? Need a diaper change? Need to burp? Want to be held?

For new parents, this can feel like a complex equation you're somehow expected to solve on very little sleep or with very little to no experience.

I remember becoming completely fixated on wake windows with my first baby. I tracked everything in an app and calculated naps and feeds down to the minute. However in spite of following all of the rules, it still took me an hour and a half to get my baby down for a 20-minute nap (I also didn’t know 20 minutes was very normal for a 3 month old). In retrospect, I realized I had become so focused on the app and the numbers that I wasn't actually paying attention to my baby and his cues.

With my second, I approached things very differently. While I still had an app (honestly, I don't think there was anything anyone could have told my anxious first-time-mom brain to convince me not to), I stopped using it as a the be all, end all.

I had learned what the general wake window for my baby’s age was, and learned how to combine that with what my baby was telling me. This completely changed my postpartum experience. So, while I do stand by the importance of being mindful of the numbers in my complex equation, it was only one piece of the puzzle.

Why Is My Baby Crying?

When your baby starts fussing, work through your checklist from top to bottom:

Are they hungry?
Are they tired?
Are they uncomfortable? (wet diaper, too hot, too cold, gas)
Do they want to be held?

Then ask yourself:

When was the last time they ate?
When was the last time they slept?

If it's been more than an hour and a half since your newborn last fed, they’re likely hungry.

If your newborn(less than a month old) has been awake for 45 minutes or longer, they’re probably tired. If however you try to get them to sleep and it’s taking more than 30 minutes, please feed your baby.

In other words, if you're ever unsure, offer the breast. If your baby isn't interested in feeding and they're growing well overall, it’s time to move on to the other reasons a baby may fuss.

I know it’s easy to get fixated on feeding. However there are plenty of other reasons a baby might cry. Being close to you is a big one. Humans are carry mammals. Newborns are biologically wired to be on or near you constantly. Wanting to be held, needing contact naps, is normal newborn behaviours.

Hunger Cues

When trying to determine why your newborn is fussing, hunger should almost always be the first thing you consider.

Newborns have tiny stomachs and need to eat frequently. Waiting until they're crying to offer a feed can make feeding more difficult because crying is actually a late hunger cue.

When we're looking at cues, we want to catch our babies when they're showing early hunger cues. By the time they've moved into late hunger cues, latching, feeding, and settling can become much more challenging.

Early Hunger Cues

These are the signs you want to catch:

Waking from sleep
Turning their head side to side
Opening and closing their mouth
Sticking out their tongue
Rooting when their cheek or lips are touched
Bringing their hands to their mouth
Sucking on their hands or fingers
Increased body movements

Mid Hunger Cues

As hunger increases, you may notice:

Fussiness
Squirming
Restlessness
Increased vocalizations

Late Hunger Cues

Eventually, babies begin to:

Cry
Become difficult to settle
Pull away from the breast repeatedly
Have trouble coordinating feeding

If your baby has reached the crying stage, you may need to calm them before they can successfully latch.

For families who are bottle feeding, this may sometimes mean offering a small volume of milk first to take the edge off before attempting to latch.

For exclusively breastfeeding families, this may mean skin-to-skin contact, rocking, humming, walking, or even taking a warm bath together before trying again.

How Do I Know if My Newborn Is Tired?

Overtired babies can look surprisingly similar to hungry babies.

This is one of the biggest reasons families start worrying that their baby isn't getting enough milk. They feed their baby, their baby is still upset, and they assume the problem must be hunger.

Many times, the baby is actually tired.

A tired baby may:

Develop redness around or under their eyebrows
Stare off into the distance
Become less interactive
Slow their movements
Lose interest in people or toys
Yawn
Rub their eyes or face
Become fussy despite recently feeding

Once babies move beyond these early sleep cues, they can become overtired and much harder to settle.

If you have a newborn who spends 30 minutes feeding and their wake window is only 30–60 minutes, there may not be much awake time left before they're ready to sleep again.

Some babies will simply fall asleep at the breast.

And then there are the babies who seem determined to stay awake no matter how tired they are. If you're parenting a baby with serious FOMO, paying attention to their early sleep cues becomes especially important.

While this may not be a huge issue in the first few weeks, it often becomes much more noticeable around two to three months of age, which is when I really see families struggling to balance rest and doubting that they’re baby is getting enough to eat.

The Secret: Combine Cues With Timing

The most successful approach isn't looking at cues alone.

It's looking at cues and timing together.

When Did Your Baby Last Eat?

During the newborn period, most babies feed approximately every 2–3 hours.

If your baby is showing hunger cues and it has been more than 1.5–2 hours since their last feed, offering the breast is usually a great place to start.

When Did Your Baby Last Sleep?

Newborn wake windows are surprisingly short.

Many parents are shocked to learn that their baby may only comfortably stay awake for 30–60 minutes before needing another nap.

If your baby has been awake for 45–60 minutes and begins showing sleep cues, they’re likely ready for a nap.

Wake Windows by Age

Wake windows are the amount of time a baby can comfortably stay awake between periods of sleep.

As always, these are averages. You know your baby best. Some babies naturally sit on the lower end of the range while others sit on the higher end.

0–4 Weeks: 30–60 minutes

1–2 Months: 45–90 minutes

2–3 Months: 60–120 minutes

3–4 Months: 75–120 minutes

4–6 Months: 90–150 minutes

Remember that wake windows include feeding time. If your newborn spends 30 minutes feeding, they may only have a short period of awake time remaining before needing sleep again.

If your baby wakes up happy and content without immediately showing hunger cues, you may choose to start their awake time with some tummy time, diaper-free play, or interaction before feeding. Many babies tolerate tummy time better before a feed than afterward when they have a full tummy.

When Babies May Eat More Frequently Than Every 2–3 Hours

Many healthy babies actually feed more frequently than every 2–3 hours, especially when they:

Feed when they wake
Feed again before going down for a nap
Are cluster feeding. Helllllo witching hour…
Are going through a growth spurt
Need comfort and regulation
Are helping establish milk supply in the early weeks

For example, a baby may wake from a nap, have a full feed, spend 30–45 minutes awake, and then want another small feed before falling asleep again. This is especially common once a baby starts staying awake for 1.5 hours and napping 1-3 hours. However, it’s important to not that that this is more typical for a 5 month old, not a newborn.

Is it Ok if my baby eats less than 8 times in a day

A newborn NEEDS at least 8 feeds in 24 hours.

However, there are circumstances where an older baby may feed fewer than 8 times while still receiving adequate milk.

This may occur when:

A baby is drinking large volumes of formula in a single feed
An older baby (think 9 months) is consuming solids

For young newborns, particularly in the first weeks of life, feeding fewer than 8 times per day requires immediate evaluation.

If you are wondering how to know if you'r baby is getting enough to eat, you can read all about it on my blog post Is My Baby Getting Enough To Eat

What if my baby only eats for a few minutes

A misconception in infant feeding is that every feed needs to be the same and follow the rule. Baby’s are people. We don’t all eat the exact same amount all of the time. We might have a light breakfast but then want lunch early, or not eat much in the morning and then eat a huge dinner. Breastfeeding is the same, if a baby has a shorter feed, or goes a longer stretch between feeds, they’re going to make up for it later.

So yes, an average newborn spend approximately 20–30 minutes feeding, but there is a wide range of normal.

In the first couple days while milk supply is being established, feeds are likely closer to 30-45 minutes long every 1.5-2.5 hours. This is to drive up your supply. This is not suppose to last.

Another example is if you have a smaller breast storage capacity, your baby may take smaller volumes more frequently. These are often the babies who feed every two hours and may finish a feed in closer to 10–15 minutes.

If you have an abundant milk supply or a faster milk flow and your baby is able to manage it well, they may complete feeds much more quickly than expected while continuing to gain weight beautifully.

You can see how things get very individualized, very quickly. So if you are falling outside that window of feeding 20-30 minutes every 2-3 hours for most feeds then please work with a skilled IBCLC who knows you and your babies history.

What If I'm Still Not Sure?

If you're trying to decide whether your baby is hungry or tired and you're genuinely not sure, offer the breast.

A healthy hungry baby will often latch and feed.

A tired baby may nurse briefly, regulate, and fall asleep.

Either way, you've gathered valuable information about what your baby needs.

There are so many reasons babies cry, and crying is one of the only ways they have to communicate.

I know it's stressful trying to make sure your baby is getting enough to eat. But if you've started at the top of your list, offered the breast, and your baby isn't interested in feeding, it's okay to work through the rest of your checklist.

Change their diaper.

Burp them.

Hold them.

Rock them.

Look at how long they've been awake.

Sometimes the answer is hunger.

Sometimes it's sleep.

And sometimes they just need a little help regulating in a very big world.

Need Breastfeeding Support in Calgary?

Learning to understand newborn behaviour can feel overwhelming, especially when you're recovering from birth, navigating sleep deprivation, and trying to learn your baby's unique patterns.

As an IBCLC providing in-home lactation support in Calgary, I help families understand their baby’s feeding behaviour, hunger cues, and sleep cues.

One of the biggest advantages of an in-home lactation consultation is that we can observe your baby’s typical routine in their environment and work through their cues together. Appointments are designed to be long enough that we can work around your baby's schedule and provide enough time to feed your baby, answer your questions, and identify patterns that can be difficult to see when you're in the middle of the newborn stage.

If you're looking for breastfeeding support in Calgary and wondering whether your baby is hungry, tired, feeding effectively, or gaining weight appropriately, I'd love to help.

How to Tell if Your Newborn Is Hungry or Tired